#50 Christine: My Very First Shit Test

This is one of the earliest memories I have regarding flirting and male-female social dynamics. It was in junior high / middle school and I must of been fourteen years old.

One day, our teacher introduced a new member of class: Christine’s family had recently moved to the area due to her dad’s job. Originally, they came from the southern region of our country which was obvious by her accent.

She had very dark brown hair and a bit of a strange hair style, different from all the other girls. Not sure but I believe it was what is called a pageboy hairstyle. Which would of made sense, as she overall had some masculine traits, she was not as thin as the other girls but also not fat, maybe sturdy is the right word here. She was two years older than us and noteably more years ahead in her sexual development. What really stood out were her atomic tits (nooo, pun not intended, I swear!).

And this was around the same time when I had seen my first porn mag and the first nude DD tits on paper. Many readers won’t know those times any more: there was no youporn, no porn site with tagged films where you’d find any combination of flavor in a second. Back then we guys traded used paper magazins in shady corners of the schoolyard and were superexcited on our way home about the treasure in our satchel. The women in these mags were double our age, we’re not shaved and no one had had a boob job done. It was an all raw natural meat show.

A few days after Christine being introduced by the teacher and making some female friends, I happened to walk besides her in the staircase during the break so we talked a bit. She opened me and was very interested, asked me a lot of questions which came in quite handy as I was shy and a bit intimidated by her—initial AA back then.

That was another aspect of her masculine appearance—which I am able to categorize correctly today: Christine was initiating and leading all the time. And I was one of her targets—or maybe the only one? Remember, this was decades before Tinder was invented and given our young age, so it seems safe to assume she wasn’t a slut back then, with her 15 or so years.

In any case, I sit down at my place and when I open the exercise book, I find a folded piece of paper:

Hey Danny, you are my boyfriend on probation

Unfortunately, the poetic beauty of her letter gets a bit lost by the translation into English. In my mother tongue German, it was

Hey Danny, ich geh mit dir auf Probe

“Miteinander gehen” is a special term when two teenagers court each other which, translated word by word, is “to walk together”, and typically, the boy asks the girl Do you want to go with me? This is not asking her out for a date but kind of the early and sandbox version of Do you want to marry me?, him asking for being a couple right away and often happening even before the first kiss, never mind the first sex.

Now, you may ask why I’m so sure that this could of been my first notch? Well, not only did she initiate and pass me the small letter but also read it’s content: she actually didn’t ask if I wanted to be her boyfriend (as we guys would of done it in a situation vice versa), she just stated her decision and my new status.
Good game actually, assuming the sale and leading—just from the wrong person involved. I was way too shy and insecure to pull that off myself.
I remember that she wasn’t held back by my inertia. As you can imagine, I didn’t send a small folded confirmation note back, I even tried to avoid contact altogether. She just initiated the next step and—invited me to her place.
Her parents’ row house was a little outside my city but in easy reach for me on my bike. I had done triple the distance to visit my computer buddy with whom I programmed our version of Moon Patrol on our home computer. However this time, I asked my dad to drive me over. Probably my subconscious called for backup and some guidance. I would have needed a coach like Puntozenon but the invention of Game, PUA and TRP was still more than twenty years ahead.
My dad dropped me a crossing away, I didn’t want her to see him and also his car then rang the bell with my heart beating heavily; her parents were nice, her mom’s coffee with cake delicious and I liked her girly room. I still would find the way to their house today I believe. What I don’t recall is, what we did the hours after the coffee, when left alone. Probably she tried to make things happen but I chickened out or froze completely. However, my mind protects me from that embarrassment and gets foggy each time I dig my memories.
The only thing I know for sure, you guessed it: there was no follow-up meeting and not that she fired me expressively but I did not survive the probation period.

What did I learn from this? The headline of this post came out quite spontaneously when I wrote the first draft, years ago, after I got into PUA and its lingo for the first time. I left it that way, as a kind of documentation. However, today, end of 2020 and after hours of coaching by Puntozenon, I know that this wasn’t a shit test. Those are thrown when the girl feels some initial interest in you but has some doubts whether you are the type of man she wants to have sexual intercourse with (the end goal and main question in all flirt and dating setups). But Christine had her mind made up already and the only thing she threw at me was premature praise. Or in other words, pussy on your face.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s